Dear Mr. Expert, I grew up in a abusive  home, I always promised myself that I'd get out as soon as possible. Now, at age 20, I have a good job and a nice house of my own, and I'm really proud . Here's the problem: some of my friends who still live with their parents spend the weekends with me. But now they make mine theirs. They bring boy friends over, talk on the phone, etc. I enjoy having my friends here sometimes -it makes the place feel comfortable and warm, but this is my home, not a party house, what shall I do? Joan Dear Joan, If your family didn't pay attention to your needs when you were a child, you probably have trouble letting others know your needs now. And if you've gathered your friends around you to rebuild a happy family, you may fear that saying no will bring back the kind of _ that you grew up in. You need to understand that in true friendship it's okay to put your own needs first from time to time. Be clear about the message you want to send to your friends. For example, "I really love you, but I also need some personal space. So please call me before you come over ." Edward According to Mr. Expert, why can't Joan tell her friends her feeling?
She is afraid of hurting her friends. She does not understand true friendship. Her family experience stops her from doing so. She does not put her needs first.