One of the most popular and enduring myths about depression is that depressed people are sad all the time--and that by extension, people who are happy can't be experiencing depression, even if they say they are. It is a mistaken version of depression. Depression doesn't make you sad all the time. When I'm having a depressive feeling, I'm not walking around in black clothes, and weeping. I go out with friends. I play jokes. I keep working, and have friendly chats with the people I work with. I read books. Above all, I experience moments of happiness. Yet I feel a strange conflicting pressure. On the one hand, I feel like I need to engage in a sort of sadness for people to understand that I really am depressed and that each day is a struggle for me. Because that way I will appear suitably sad, and thus, depressed--and then maybe people will recognize that I'm depressed and perhaps they'll even offer support and assistance. On the other hand, I feel an extreme pressure to perform just the opposite, because sad depressed people are boring and no fun, as I am continually reminded every time I speak openly about depression or express feelings of sadness and frustration. I'm caught in a trap where if I don't perform sadness, I'm not really depressed, but if I express sadness at all to any degree, I'm annoying and boring and should stop being so self-centered. Depression can become your master, but you can slip out from under it occasionally. And many depressed people don't actually spend it fainting dramatically on the couch and talking about how miserable they are. What's the writer's attitude to being sad and depressed?
Positive. Negative. Indifferent. Cold.