A letter to Edward,a columnist Dear Mr. Expert, I grew up in an unhappy and abusive  home. I always promised myself that I'd get out as soon as possible. Now, at age 20, I have a good job and a nice house, and I'm really proud of the independence I've achieved. Here's the problem: several of my friends who still live with their parents wish they had places like mine--so much so that they make mine theirs. It started out with a couple of them spending the weekends with me. But now they seem to take it for granted that they can show up any time they like. They bring boyfriends over, talk on the phone and stay out forever. I enjoy having my friends here sometimes--it makes the place feel comfortable and warm--but this is my home, not a party house. I was old enough to move out on my own, so why can't I seem to ask my friends to respect my privacy ? Joan Edward's reply to Joan Dear Joan, If your family didn't pay attention to your needs when you were a child, you probably have trouble letting others know your needs now. And if you've gathered your friends around you to rebuild a happy family atmosphere , you may fear that saying no will bring back the kind of conflict you grew up with--or destroy the nice atmosphere you now enjoy. You need to understand that in true friendship it's okay to put your own needs first from time to time. Be clear about the message you want to send. For example, "I really love your company  but I also need some privacy. So please call before you come over. " Edward 59. We can learn from the first letter that Joan    _   .
takes pride in her friends lives away from her parents knows Mr. Expert quite well hates her parents very much